Saturday, December 22, 2012

Santa and the Hotline

It was a dark and wintry night.

The elf was sitting in the cubicle in Santa Claus' administration building, watching footage of the security camera as Santa took off with the reindeers.

He could not recall when they had started to call the security camera SantaCam. There surely was an announcement to that effect somewhere in the inbox.

Another cheerful missive from Santa PR explaining why, "going forward", SantaCam was the only term to use. Ending with an equally cheerful "Help us to keep Christmas the wonderful family event it has been for so long."

Any moment now, and he could switch to the NORAD site to watch them track Santa.
He still enjoyed this part of the ritual after all these years. It made him feel like a child again, full of expectations, not for material goods but all that Christmas had meant.

Toiling in the cubicle had left its marks on both body and mind. His waistline had expanded a little, tough not to Santa-esque proportions, and some of the Christmas worry lines never went away anymore like they used to.

He had been a good employee, greeting co-workers with Happy Monday at the beginning of each week as morale took a dive after yet another small workshop had been taken over by Santa Corp., based in the Caymans for tax reasons, but with all operations still at the North Pole.

Global warming had crept into his mind a few times in recent years, but Santa had upgraded the cooling systems to epic proportions. It would be a while before anybody noticed the ice getting thinner.

This was his last Christmas with Santa Corp.

He had put in his resignation several months prior. That was unusual and raised eyebrows at Santa HR and with the ex-Special Forces of Santa Security.
He had patiently explained that he wanted the corp. to have ample time to hire a replacement. No, he had never considered himself irreplaceable, not like his old boss who popped lithium pills like candy -- or so he assumed.

In fact, knowing a little bit how corporate minds worked, he had made doubly sure that his work and his demeanor were impeccable after handing in the resignation. Not that this required much effort, he was proud of his work, proud of the co-workers, proud when another child's problem with this or that toy were resolved and joy returned to the home.

There was only one thing left to do now, one phone call to make.
He needed to know. No, he admonished himself, "need" was not true.

He wanted to know, for himself. That had always been the motivation behind the curiosity which had sustained him in the hectic workplace of Santa Corp.

He looked at NORAD's tracking. Everything was fine, Santa and Christmas were going to have another good year.

He picked up the phone and dialed the hotline mandated by the SEC not too long ago.

A friendly woman from the company to which Santa Corp. had outsourced the ethics and compliance hotline picked up.
They were doing this for many companies, so it took a minute to establish the administrative details.

He explained, I complained about the Elf Superior, and they said they'd fire me if I went ahead with the complaint. Can they do that?

The woman noted everything, gave him a tracking number and said call back in two weeks for an answer.

After one last satisfied look at the tracker, he turned off the lights and went home.

He came back to work after Christmas, and had a very amicable weekly meeting with his supervisor. The supervisor was quite new, and our elf was, once more, proud to have established trust and a good working relationship.

The week after that was followed by another amicable meeting. Maybe I was wrong, he said to himself.

On the requested day, he called the hotline and gave them the tracking code. The answer to the question was: "No, of course, they cannot fire you as retaliation. But you are in an at will employment, they could let you go anytime they see fit."

Within an hour after the call, his supervisor called to tell him that all communication from here on out had to go through him. Except, of course Santa HR matters.

Another hour or so, and the HR Director called. A nice lady, she inquired how he was doing, how the succession was proceeding and if there was anything else she could do for him.

Well, you know I called the anonymous hotline...he paused. What next?

A shriek at the other end: "What are you trying to say!!!"

Bingo, and he replied: "Well sometimes some things are more anonymous than others."

Deflate, he had advised himself, and it worked. The lady was very nice and told him a severance offer was going out the next day.

Over the next few days, he finished up his work, told the co-workers he had resigned. On the last day, his supervisor visited him, very friendly, very relieved because, as would say at the door, he had never witnessed anything quite like that.

Merry Christmas, don't stop believing.

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