Monday, December 31, 2012

German Cookie Monsters Rise Up

Cookie maker Bahlsen turned on a dime.

This oft-quoted and elusive acrobatic business maneuver, the holy grail of many an American business master, was performed by Bahlsen as a result of a customer revolt.

Mild mannered grandmothers and families concerned about the future of the country's favorite Christmas cookies pushed, and Bahlsen did the spin.

Stateside, you may have seen the cookies at high-end groceries, or, after Christmas, at the discounters. Since they are considered premium cookies in other countries, the plan was to continue to sell them there and just cut off the German cheapskates.

The most popular cookies are the chocolate coated, heart shaped gingerbread cookies with a jelly core. Their chewy yet soft goodness had been an integral part of German Christmas for many decades when Bahlsen, just in time for the 2012 season, anounced they would discontinue sales of said cookies in Germany.

Too expensive to make, "that's the way the cookie crumbles", was the verdict.

We'll show you how the cookie crumbles, Germans hissed, little bits and pieces of dark chocolate and spongy gingerbread bouncing off of their TV sets.

As a consequence, Germans stocked up in a big way, comparable only to the stocking of fallout shelters in the old days in the US.

In our town, the number of Bahlsen gingerbread bags for sale after St. Nick's on December 6 was exactly zero.

Store employees at all three supermarkets were quizzed by customers all the time, and we would not be surprised to see a substantial rise in doctor visits by these employees.
To be treated for the newly named Bahlsen Cookie Syndrome, a condition of serious neck and shoulder pain caused by repetitive shrugging and emphatic nodding.

All is well that ends well, however. The cookies will be available in Germany next year and folks won't have to rely on illicit imports by shady cookie dealers.

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