Wednesday, June 4, 2014

[Satire] How would non-Chinese react if the Tank Man happened today?

One of the long-standing (one year and a half) traditions at the K-Landnews is to stay away from the news on major official anniversaries with their empty rituals and boilerplate speeches.

This attitude has been reinforced by the fact that we have come to see the Daily Show as a more reliable news outlet than much of big media.

Helping a stubborn government remember a fuck up from 25 years ago is not fun and we in the West have our own issues.

So, let's go. How would non-Chinese react if the Tank Man incident happened today?

CNN would have a two week special about the question: What was in these bags?

FoxNews would parade pundits to claim that there is no scientific evidence that the bags were man made and in any way influenced the behavior to the tanks. There is no proof the driver would have acted differently if the man carried a bazooka instead of shopping bags.

Fear Inc. and its affiliates would argue: The man was obviously a major threat, why else would a government need several tanks to face him down? And obviously the number of tanks is insufficient to counter the threat, they need more tanks, which we would happily supply.

Russian intelligence: There is no Tank Man. There might be a tank, there might be a man, but a Tank Man is pure Hollywood science fiction propaganda. We should let the tank drivers have a vote.

The Republicans would try hard to find a way to blame the Democrats for it.

The European Union would announce a communique within the next 12 months.

At the end of the day, the man in the street is left holding the bag.

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