Friday, January 11, 2013

Hillbillies R us

Moonshine - check. Guns - check. Funny language - check.

Time for the Cumberland Blues?

The K-landnews team is proud of its diversity, which includes some Ozark roots.

Still, the recent realization that our home base in Germany has "hillbilly traits" like  moonshine, guns and a funny (to outsiders) language, gives us pause.

Are we all hillbillies?

Are the people in the hills above the financial center Frankfurt, Germany, not simply another brand of hillbillies?

After all, they say the best way to rob a bank is to own one. Their guns are hired, but guns they are. And their moonshine is fermented soy beans [TheEditor: natto], what's the difference.
Or is their moonshine something more insidious, like that pale shine of them mooning the poor in this and other countries?

Closer to home, we heard about the moonshine tradition here. It is not corn based, but fruit based, made from plums, cherries, or apples.

Nothing any member of the K-landnews team would ever do.

Or does it count as moonshine if you make apple juice, put it into a large container, then -- s*** happens -- spill some good yeast on it, and forget for about two weeks that you ever had such a container?

What can you do with the 2.5 gallons of strong apple cider you stumble upon in your living room after two forgetful weeks? Just pour it out, that's what we would say.

When this week's local paper gave us hard numbers about the way above average rate of gun ownership in our county, we queried a couple of friends and bingo.

Well, I found five kilos of black powder in my house the other day, explained a neighbor who lives five blocks away.
A K-landnews home is just three blocks away from the former home of a demolitions expert and known werewolf.

This only leaves confirmation of the existence of a language that is "funny" to outsiders.

Confirmed by the K-landnews language department.

Now what?

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